A Love Letter to the Me Who Almost Quit Writing

Today I was going to write a blog post on how I've been using a physical planner to track my scene work and revisions. But you know what? I'm in a life slump, instead.

The term is more lovingly known as burnout. The symptoms are quite brutal: feeling drained, experiencing mood swings, withdrawing from your responsibilities, and even—oh, boy—dreading activities you once enjoyed.

That's a big yikes.

When Life Slumps Harder Than Your Posture at 3AM

Burnout has been stalking me over this past month. I've been staying up until weird hours of the night (and yes, things get weird at 3am) and checking off a never-ending to do list for my job. It's fast-paced work, but it's focused heavily on producing, not creating.

And here's the kicker: I really love my job. Just like I really love writing. So why am I feeling burnt out?

Because lately, everything feels like producing—checking boxes, meeting deadlines, hitting outcomes.

Even worse, the burnout has spilled over into my personal life, generating piles of forgotten to-dos that should be fun (sorting through my wedding photos to create an album, organizing my closet for the warmer months...writing that dang blog post, *hehem*). Instead of tackling the growing mountain of things I need to do, I continue to shove them aside because they feel like work. I'm anticipating the need to produce something.

I'm producing a wedding album, I'm producing an organized closet, I'm producing content for my website. In reality, there's a ton of creativity to be had with each of these tasks, but when I'm in burnout mode, I can't see it; I can only see the looming production value it requires.

Creating vs. Producing: Relearning How to Create Without a Destination

You see, creating and producing are two wildly different things. When you feel inundated by continuous outputs and results—like someone with a demanding job—life begins to feel like an endless cycle of outcome after outcome. Even fun starts feeling like a deadline.

You get BURNT!

I really how Leah Hamilton (great name, by the way) explains the difference between creating and producing in her article on Medium: "One of these practices has a process at the core, while the other is about the outcome. Focusing on the process allows us to stay in the moment while focusing on the outcome can lead to stress and burnout" (The Incredible Difference Between Creating and Producing).

And there is the dreaded word: burnout. If you are constantly thinking about tomorrow, it's inevitable that you'll forget to live and enjoy the ride along the way.

The go-to advice for getting stuck in a burnout rut? Get creative and diversify your creative outlet. However, that's far easier said than done.

For me, when the feeling of burnout hits, I often dismiss the opportunity to be creative in favor of doomscrolling or refreshing pages on Neopets. If you don't know what Neopets is, first of all, how dare you (kidding). It's pure 2000s internet nostalgia where players can create and care for digital pets.

And yes, I still play.

So when I'm in the midst of burnout, refreshing the Neopets Pound to adopt a cool Cloud Kacheek seems like way more fun than trying to be creative. Being creative begins to feel like so much...work.

Is it because—gasp—I'm associating my creative outlets (spoiler: novel writing) with the outcome of getting published? And what if I—double gasp—refocused on enjoying the process, instead?

Well, if it was as easy as that, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this ramble to myself, now would I?

So, this is a love letter to myself when I feel like I want to quit. In fact, I'll kick us off with my top-secret, never-fails tip:

Don't.

That's easier said than done, Leah! - You after reading that, while rolling your eyes

Well, of course. You're not wrong. Quitting is way, WAY easier. In fact, so many people do it, that we've normalized it in our society.

Take aspiring authors, for example. A lot of folks who want to become authors sit at home with unfinished projects while they read about writing or watch videos about writing or even plan their writing... but then, they don't actually write. Daydreaming about becoming an author is not the same thing as putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). But when it feels like producing—when we've lost sight of the journey rather than the destination—it's far easier to justify the decision to abandon a project when the going gets tough in favor of the mind-numbing llama videos on social media.

And to think, I almost became a quitter like one of those people.

The Moment I Almost Quit Writing

Let me quickly set the stage. In addition to being burnt out from work and the production cycle of life, I recently received feedback on one of my submissions that went as follows: The humor was well-written, but my book lacked any kind of heartbreak. I froze during the feedback session, my brain instantly going into flight mode.

You suck, Leah! Quit now! - A loving note from my brain

I had a ten-second pity party where I absolutely considered quitting and scrapping this entire torturous novel writing idea in favor of doomscrolling on my phone. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Llama videos ARE really cool. And I didn't need hobbies, right? I didn't need to create or build or write the perfect sentence.

But then I dried my eyes, got out a pen, and figured out what the actual heck was going on with my story. I added a new scene, upped the stakes, introduced new danger, and by golly did I feel revived.

So, here it goes. A little reminder to myself that when the going gets tough, I have to keep on keeping on.

Dear Me: A Pep Talk for the Creatively Fried

Dear Leah (and fellow discouraged reader),

Hi, it's me—and also you. If you're thinking about quitting again, please try the following steps to get out of your funk.

Cry, and cry a lot. But then stop.

Don't quit. In fact, don't even entertain the idea. Because if we're being honest, Alodie would never forgive you; her story would never be finished. She would forever float in the darkest corners of your mind. And we both know she's way too sassy and stubborn to stay quiet forever.

Let yourself be unproductive for a while. Don't feel pressured to get creative again immediately, or try something completely new just for the heck of it (no outcomes!). Take a deep breath. Get outside. Become an underwater basket weaver (okay, maybe don't do that). Disappear from the internet. Have no fear, it will be right here waiting for you when you return.

Do one small creative thing today, if you can. Be patient with yourself throughout the entire process. Try writing one sentence about anything. Make a list of characters you'd want to write about in a future book. Draw a picture. Honestly, play Neopets if it gets the creative juices flowing.

You've got this, Leah. And while you still REALLY need to sort through your wedding photos and organize your closet and write the blog post you were supposed to publish today...you're still writing, and that counts.

xo, The Leah Who Almost—But Didn't—Quit